meals in my heels

Three courses in five inches

The secret is OUT!!!

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At last, after what feels like years of keeping schtum, I can finally reveal I’ve collaborated with Tesco’s beauty team and joined forces with eight other beauty bloggers, experts and journos across the country to offer you FREE one-on-one beauty consultations.


SkyScrapperAsset

Working as a fashion and beauty stylist I’m constantly being asked advice on current trends or how to revamp looks, so now, whether it’s nails, makeup, hair or anything lash or lipstick-related, you can book a one-on-one session with me at http://tes.co/dzfuTo (did I mention it’s FREE?) or click on one the banners above and below.

So no more of mascara mishaps like this ↓.

Come on… Let’s have a chat. x

CTA

 

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Shhhh…

 

Secret Squirrel

Secret Squirrel

…I need to share something with you but you have to promise not to tell anyone. OK?

Actually I’m a big fat tease! I can’t divulge the full details yet as I’ve been sworn to secrecy (literally). What I can say is I will be working on a unique, pioneering, prettyfying project with BEAUTY AT TESCO with eight other beauty bloggers.

Candid Camera

Candid Camera

 

The big reveal will take place on Monday 16th February and you’ll love it! Just six days to go my beautiful friends.

Until then meet my super-cute cosmetically-connected cohorts:

Jayne

Twitter: @JayneKitsch

Insta: @JayneKitsch

Blog: www.jayneskitschen.co.uk/blog/

 

Annie 

Twitter: @AnnieVischer

Insta: @AnnieVischer

Writer for: www.beautyandthedirt.com/

 

Ambarina 

Twitter: @AmbarinaHasan

Insta: @beautypassionista

Blog: www.beautypassionista.com/

 

Jen 

Twitter: @BeautyJunkieLdn

Intsa: @BeautyJunkieLdn

Blog: www.beautyjunkielondon.com/

 

Michelle 

Twitter: @TSNCBlog

Insta: @TSNCBlog

Blog: www.thoushaltnotcovet.net/

 

Hayley

Twitter: @LBQBlog

Insta: @LndnBeautyQueen

Blog: www.londonbeautyqueen.com/

 

Laura 

Twitter: @Libertyxloves

Insta: @Libertyxloves

 

The Roman Empire at Bunga Bunga in Valentino Rockstud and Lime Crime Velvetine in Salem

The meter long marvel

The meter long marvel

WARNING: This post contains basic, incorrectly used Italian phrases, references and clichés throughout. Scusami, non parlo molto bene italiano.

Pizza! Which Neapolitan genius invented the layering of cheese, meat and dough then decided to cook it in to a melting menage of moreishness? Not sure who this beautiful human being was. However I have recently become acquainted with the kitchen-based Adonises at Battersea pizzeria, Bunga Bunga who decided to make it in to a meter long marvel, 41.5 inches to be precise, of which I consumed at least a yard… Solo.  Technically it’s three delicious pizzas in one (although I will always fondly remember it as one): The Italian Stallion – prosciutto di parma (tears of joy ran down my face when I realised my neighbouring diner/sharer was a vegetarian), rocket and parmesean, Italy’s Fun Guy – wild mushroom, pecorino, truffle oil and confit tomato and the Micaela Margherita – Bunga tomato sauce and fresh mozzarella, all on a Roman style base.

41.5 inches

41.5 inches

3.45833 feet

3.45833 feet

Oh and the starters.. Bellisimo!

This was just the beginning...

This was just the beginning…

Melt in the mouth Speck, Wild Boar, Salami Milano and Bresola satiated our cured meat cravings whilst Pecorino, Gorgonzola and deep fried Mozzarella was our chosen pre-cheese, cheese fix.

All hail!

All hail!

If you like a spot of cabaret, karaoke, on-the-hour toga-clad flash mobs and the chance to be crowned emperor with your pizza then Thursdays at Bunga Bunga are tailored to your incredibly specific requirements. During your visit don a Bunga baseball cap, take an impressive senate-style selfie, upload to Twitter, hashtag #IAMTHEEMPEROR and, if victorious, a throne and a vat-sized coliseum of free booze awaits you, my liege.

An empire's worth

An empire’s worth

Speaking of booze, Bunga’s beverages pack a powerful punch.

Chellsi Balotelli

Chellsi Balotelli anyone?

Our banquet was washed down with a Chellsi Balotelli: Rhubarb infused Belvedere vodka, homemade spicy rhubarb purée, cranberry and lime juices & Peychaud bitters. Not to forget some tenor action courtesy of the Pavarotti’s Punch: Bacardi Oakheart, Cherry Marnier, Bunga mulled spice syrup with lime juice & fresh raspberries.

Pavarotti’s Punch

Pavarotti’s Punch (only a tenor)

Of course my footwear for the evening had to be Italian. When in Rome and all that.

Valentino Rockstud

Valentino Rockstud

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Valentino Rockstud Patent Pump in wine

These bad boys have regrettably sold out in this colourway however Harrods have this stunning pair below in satin

Valentino Satin Rockstud Sling Back Pump

Valentino
Satin Rockstud Sling Back Pump

And they go perfectly with my new lip crush…

Lime Crime Velvetine Liquid Lipstick in Salem

Lime Crime Velvetine Liquid Lipstick in Salem

Prego!

THE ROMAN EMPIRE of BUNGA BUNGA EVERY THURSDAY 6:00pm-1.30am Bunga Bunga 37 Battersea Bridge Road, London, SW11 3BA 020 7095 0360 bungabunga-london.com @BungaBungaLondn

Stoned again

Stoned again

Lobsterfest at Belgo Centraal in Jimmy Choo Anouk and MAC lipstick in Lady Danger

Lobzilla

Lobzilla

There’s three things that really get me going; big boobs, men with beards and LOBSTER.

The lovely Saffron from We Love Food It’s All We Eat is more than au fait with my bearded, double D cup, crustacean fetishes so immediately informed me of Belgo’s impending Lobsterfest… ‘Lobsterfest’… The word alone sends glorious clawed shivers down my spine.

Chef Muir Picken humanely preparing my dinner

Belgo’s Executive Chef Muir Picken humanely preparing my dinner

Lobster Cocktail

Lobster Cocktail

The sexy bishes at Belgo are dishing out lobster cocktails, whole lobster salads and Lobzilla himself: a whole grilled beast served with fries and an aioli dip so good you’ll want to slap someone (please don’t).

BEER

White beer (and black pepper)

I’m no beer fan but Belgo’s beer sommelier’s persuasion skills were so impressive he managed to get me to neck two jars of the brewed stuff. I even partook in the Blanche De Bruxelles (the white beer paired with Mr Lobzilla) despite the little boy peeing on the label.

naughty boy

naughty boy

The persuasive sommelier - yes he's dressed as a monk (bad habit, good beer)

The persuasive sommelier – yes he’s dressed as a monk (bad habit, good beer)

I consumed my own weight in lobster but, greedy mother that I am, there was still room for beer batter waffles with BELGIAN CHOCOLATE DIP.

More beer! I’ll be swapping my usual Grey Goose martini for a lager top at my local before you know it (I won’t, seriously, that will never happen).

Beer batter waffles

Beer batter waffles and Belgian chocolate dip

Get your bib on and get cracking on a whole, truly delicious lobster for just £19.95 (a price practically unheard of in the West End) and you’ll also be supporting Belgo’s BUY ONE SET ONE FREE aioli covered initiative in the process.

Lobsterfest is on until August 31st (but you’ll never want it to end).

Jimmy Choo Anouk

Jimmy Choo Anouk

Jimmy Choo Anouk

Jimmy Choo Anouk

Pick your favourite flavour Jimmy Choo Anouk here.

MAC lipstick in Lady Danger

MAC lipstick in Lady Danger

Oblix in Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 and Rimmel Kate Matte Lipstick Soft Pink 101

I was overjoyed when I heard Rainer Becker, father of my two favoured food children, Zuma and Roka, would be birthing another addition to the culinary family. Our newborn would be called Oblix and would nestle somewhere amongst the 72-storeys of the Shard (due date 7th May 2013).

Lobster and scallop ceviche

Lobster and scallop ceviche

I made the painful decision to take the hands-off approach to parenting and let Rainer and ‘Blix settle in for a good six weeks before paying my first visit last week.

Oblix skyline

Oblix skyline

Fellow food obsessive and PR extraordinaire, Cassandra, was my dinner date at the 32-floor-high restaurant. We’d both selflessly starved ourselves (in a non-ana kinda way) so as to give the menu the acres of space we hoped it would deserve.

Obligatory mirrored lift selfie

Obligatory mirrored lift selfie (yes she threw her Stella on the floor – heathen)

Extreme hunger, greed and a tummy-teaser of a menu, forced the two of us to order three starters (three is the new two). Lobster and scallop ceviche, steak tartare, and crab cakes with lime jelly completed the tasty trinity. The ceviche, sweet and slippery in all the right places with welcome hits of jalapeno and sugary pepper. My tartare was a creamy caper-peppered treat, and the crab cakes… THE CRAB CAKES! I actually had a physical reaction to their appearance. The gloriously gloopy texture of that sweet lime jelly with the warm soft saltiness of the crab will always hold a magic memory in my mouth.

Steak tartare

Steak tartare

THOSE crab cakes

THOSE crab cakes

Main course time. How was I meant to choose between grilled lobster and pork belly? Didn’t have to. Cassandra, under complete duress, ‘agreed’ to share. Yay! Buttered, hot-off-the-grill lobster was sensibly seasoned and fleshy, and tender pork belly was blessed with a healthy crackling to meat ratio. We wisely chose the sour cream baked potato and macaroni cheese as our sides which I made the even wiser decision to wash down with a(3) top-notch lychee Grey Goose martini(s).

Grilled lobster

Grilled lobster

Pork belly

Pork belly

Sour cream baked potato

Sour cream centre baked potato

Macaroni cheese

Macaroni cheese

Dessert and our now fully exercised ‘three is the new two’ mantra was in full-fat swing. Yogurt cake, strawberry and rhubarb meringue and a not-so-hot fudge sundae were the chosen ones. Righteous rhubarb and plump strawberries made a chewy meringue even more moreish. A cold sundae was the only let down – if it says ‘hot’ on the menu that baby better still be smoking by the time it reaches the table. The yogurt cake however was warm, tart and perfectly formed (a bit like Cassandra) with a soft centre (again very Cassandra-like) served with grilled peach and a buxom blob of buttermilk ice cream.

strawberry and rhubarb pavlova

Strawberry and rhubarb pavlova

HOT fudge Sundae

HOT fudge Sundae

Yogurt cake

Yogurt cake

Safe to say both Rainer and I are equally proud of this new arrival.

Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120

Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120

Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 in Nude

Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 in Nude

Nude Pigalle 120s are the unicorns of the Louboutin world. In fact most Pigalles are somewhat of a myth. The one thing I’ve learnt with Louboutins is you gotta get ’em while they’re there. Buy yours in patent black right here.

Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick by Kate Moss in 101

Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick by Kate Moss in 101

My current fave matte pink lippy. x

Bob Bob Ricard in Christian Louboutin VERY PRIVE 120 and MAC Lipglass in Pink Poodle

Bob Bob Ricard *sigh*

Screen Shot 2013-05-04 at 13.37.26

Bob Bob Ricard Humble Pie

Apparently ‘Bob’ owns two thirds and Ricard owns the other 33.3% recurring, hence the name.Although I’m pretty sure my belly owns at least a quarter so chaps, we’re gonna have to have a rethink on that set up.

I love ‘Bob Bob’ (as myself and my fellow BobBobphile, Alison Tay fondly refer to it – sorry Ricard, we still love you – despite lobstergate). And I’ll tell you for why…

The food is always nothing short of exceptional.

I truly believe the staff care about me (especially you Jeremiah).

The speakeasy-meets-the-Ritz decor is just a bit flippin’ sexy.

They specialise in VODKA (be still my beating shot glass).

And each booth is fitted with a CHAMPAGNE BUTTON that I dare you to keep your fingers off.

Bob Bob Ricard Champagne Button

Bob Bob Ricard Champagne Button

Ok let’s skip back a bit to lobstergate. For years BBR made the best lobster and chips, in London, the UK, heck I’d hazard to say the best in the world (I’m including dry land AND sea here). But for some crazy reason they took this 2lb shelled, sweet-meated goddess off the menu (then put it back just to tease me, then, in what I can only describe as a vicious personal attack, took it off again after just two months). Despite my relentless haranguing it is yet to reappear on the menu or in my tum. I have been fobbed off with their, albeit divine, lobster burger but I just want my baby back. Is that too much to ask (yes, I’m looking at you Ricard)?

Anyhoo… DINNER TIME

If you could kindly avert your eyes from the Humble Pie (Chicken and Champagne with a pastry crust TO DIE FOR) I’ll show you what else BBR has got cooking.

Bob Bob Ricard Lobster Burger

Bob Bob Ricard Lobster Burger

Fabulous and, although I would have rather opted for its larger, heavier-set, bunless mother, I must admit this burger was a triumph on my taste buds – all of them.

And then we have…

Bob Bob Ricard Crispy, Pressed and Roasted Belly of Suckling Pork

Bob Bob Ricard Crispy, Pressed and Roasted Belly of Suckling Pork

This little mother was a true melt in the mouth affair. Crispy, sweet, tender, porky and snappy in all the right places.

Bob Bob Ricard Lobster Macaroni & Cheese

Bob Bob Ricard Lobster Macaroni & Cheese

Are you noticing a theme here? Let’s just say this was almost a picture of an empty plate. You haven’t witnessed true carnage until you’ve watched a pack of hungry fashion girls fight over cheese-covered carbs. The collab of mac & shellfish was so impressive I was in half a mind to ask the kitchen to shove a lobster claw in my Eton Mess but thankfully I kept schtum and they brought out this piece of pink heaven…

Bob Bob Ricard Eton Mess En Perle

Bob Bob Ricard Eton Mess En Perle

A chewy lime meringue orb filled with mini marshmallows, raspberries and cream? I almost cried with joy at the table.

And lest we forget this liquid sub-zero joy Bob, Ricard, Jeremiah et al plied me with during the evening by way of an apology (or perhaps a cunning sedation technique to prevent nagging?) for their ludicrous lack of lobster.

Bob Bob Ricard Kauffman Vodka

Bob Bob Ricard Kauffman Vodka

The lovely Label PR folks were our hosts for the evening and went all swanky on us (the Now fashion girls – Jade, Alison, Bonnie and I) by hiring out BBR’s private room for a delightful dinner. A perfect spot for me to throw up my gang signs in every pic (no I don’t know why I do it either, but by gum it works).

And one more to demonstrate our vodka-fueled squiffiness (and that marvelous lampshade).

Almost forgot. I ate all of that in these…

Christian Louboutin VERY PRIVE 120

Christian Louboutin VERY PRIVE 120

Christian Louboutin Very Prive 120

Christian Louboutin Very Prive 120

The suede Very Prive is currently sold out but the patent and leather versions are available at Neiman Marcus.

And this…

MAC Lipglass in Pink Poodle

MAC Lipglass in Pink Poodle

Thank you Label PR.

Until we meet again two Bobs and a Ricard! Mwah.

My raspberry-centred menage with Ben & Jerry (overs 18s only)

I had my tonsils removed and replaced them with these bad boys (sadly no longer available on the NHS).

Peanut Butter Me Up and Phish Food

Peanut Butter Me Up and Phish Food

Hang on let’s discuss this… Peanut butter ice cream? Peanut butter chocolate cups? With a RASPBERRY JAM CORE?!!!!! ALL IN THE SAME TUB?!!!
If this doesn’t shorten your breath then you need to take a good hard look at yourself and perhaps check for a pulse. Truly a trinity of tremendousness.

A big thank you and an inappropriate cuddle to Ben & Jerry’s UK and Mischief PR for keeping me in the manner to which I have become far too accustomed.

Novikov in Christian Louboutin Bis Un Bout 120… And again in custom made Louboutin pumps and MAC lipstick in Pink Plaid

Novikov Sicilian Olives

Novikov Sicilian Olives

Novikov, Novikov, Novikov… How sweet the taste. The Italian floor of this Mayfair marvel is another one of my London favourites. The food is quite simply exquisite. I was first sold on this place after popping one of these bad boys and s̶t̶e̶a̶l̶i̶n̶g̶  tasting a friend’s mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese which I hastily, and quite rightly, drowned in truffle oil. Little did I know this was the beginning of a beautiful affair. I waited almost 2 months for that evening’s chosen footwear (I was on a lengthy Louboutin waiting list for my Bis Un Bout heels) and another couple of months to revisit this Italian stallion of a restaurant. Both my neon pumps and soon-to-be devoured mammoth veal chop were well worth the wait…

Christian Louboutin Bis Un Bout 120

Christian Louboutin Bis Un Bout 120

Christian Louboutin Bis Un Bout Fluo 120

Christian Louboutin Bis Un Bout Fluo 120

These tricksters sold out before they even went on sale! However the babes at Browns have these slightly similar Louboutin Djalouzi perspex pumps at their online store.

UPDATE

My third visit to Novikov’s Italian was one of gourmet greatness. I tottered back to Mayfair in my much loved one-of-a-kind navy Louboutin pumps (they were custom-made for a catwalk show and then sold to me for a steal at a very sexy Christian Louboutin sample sale).

Custom made Louboutins

Custom made Louboutins

Ok that’s the footwear covered. Now let’s dive into the food part of the evening.

So of course those superb Sicilian olives were my first demand, the darker the green, the meatier the olive. Preach!

More moreish Novikov Sicilian olives

More moreish Novikov Sicilian olives

And then the amazing milkily mild mozzarella beautifully contrasted with some of the sweetest tomatoes that I’ve ever had the pleasure with…

Mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese

Mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese

Lady that I am I had no choice but to add my truffle oil spaghetti to the proceedings…

Mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese

Mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese

Ten seconds later..

Mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese

Mozzarella di bufala Campana alla caprese

But the highlight of the night was my veal chop. Gosh I love a veal chop. So when the too-handsome-for-his-face waiter asked how I wanted my chop (did I want it pan fried or Milanese style?) I asked which one was bigger (obviously) and when nice-face responded with ‘Milanese’ I of course opted for that (obviously). I knew not what I did. Behold the beauty that was laid in front of me…

Novikov Milanese Veal Chop

Novikov Milanese Veal Chop

I’ve tried to use my hand to illustrate the magnitude of this meaty greatness but here are a few more images to give you an idea of its true eye (and mouth) watering size…

Me and my baby

Me and my big ol’ baby

My friend Alison with my new friend, Milanese

My friend Alison with my new friend, Milanese

So after bragging all night about how much I can fit in my belly the challenge was upon to me to to consume this mammoth Milanese masterpiece. I got stuck in and became inappropriately obsessed with my Woman v. Food challenge (cheering crowd, meat sweats et al) but, alas, I was beaten by the meat…

I failed

I failed

Try not to be too ashamed of me. I’m ashamed enough for the both of us. However every bite melted in my mouth and I would do it all again je ne regrette rien stylee.

My fellow diners were also enraptured by their dishes…

Branzino intero in crosta di sale Whole sea bass salt crusted

Alison’s Branzino intero in crosta di sale (whole salt crusted sea bass)

Bistecca di manzo Americano con marmellata di cipolle Grilled U.S. grain-fed beef rib-eye steak matured 28 days with onion relish

Jade’s Bistecca di manzo Americano con marmellata di cipolle (grilled U.S. grain-fed beef rib-eye steak matured 28 days with onion relish)

Seafood salad

Anna’s Novikov Seafood Salad

Novikov milk chocolate fondant with hazelnut praline served with vanilla ice cream

This also drew gasps from the table… MY Novikov milk chocolate fondant with hazelnut praline served with vanilla ice cream

Forgive me, I forget your name but I will never forget our time together

Emma’s ‘Forgive me, I forget your name but I will never forget our time together’ dessert

MAC lipstick in Pink Plaid

MAC lipstick in Pink Plaid

Novikov, I can’t wait to be in your arms once again, mi amore. Grazia mille.

La Bodega Negra in Christian Louboutin Lady Peep 150 and MAC lipstick in Ruby Woo

La Bodega Negra

La Bodega Negra

La Bodega Negra is like that hot little Latin chick you fancy at work… Yes, that one.

I don’t really want to go in to too much detail about the moment I shared with these two cobs of cuteness on Old Compton Street a few moons ago as I deem it personal and I hope they do too. Suffice to say after sampling this Grilled Corn with Crema Mexicana and fresh herbs I’ve never looked at the Jolly Green Giant in the same way again.

I was then FORCED (I begged for more) to dine on a soft shell crab taco laced with chipotle crema, a pork belly mezcal french-kissed with salsa verde and some scallop ceviche sweetened and spiced with mango & jalapeño. Wow, I’m actually welling up (via my tastebuds) in remembrance.

And did I mention this must-visit-venue, the naughtier cousin of naughty New York restaurant L’Esquina,  is actually disguised as a sex shop? A SEX SHOP! Sex AND food against a Destiny’s Child soundtrack (yes that was me singing Say My Name in the ladies)? One of those Bodega Negras was inside my head and saw my beautiful vision before I did, then, unlike me, acquired financial backing and planning permission to put my dream in place. Really I should sue but then where would I feast on the BEST guacamole I’ve ever had in my mouth? Dilemma…

Christian Louboutin Lady Peep 150

Christian Louboutin Lady Peep 150

Get on Saks Lady Peep waiting list here.

The classic red…

MAC lipstick in Ruby Woo

MAC lipstick in Ruby Woo

Lay’s Bolognaise Crisps

Lays Bolognaise

Lays Bolognaise

Not much to say really apart from I DEFY YOU to find a better flavour crisp! Cruelly not available in the UK, I tend to stock up on these bad boys whenever I’m looking to squander my Euros (often).